Gratitude: A Love Letter

I have a lot of people I need to say thank you to.

There are so many people who have supported me and propped me up as I move toward this once in a lifetime adventure. Friends and family who have encouraged me. The people I work with how are taking on extra responsibility. People online who I have not yet met in person but who have greatly impacted my life. A son, Jared, who makes me so proud and who has encouraged my adventure every step of the way.

I want to say thank you to all those people and many more. As I continue along my journey, I aim to do that. I will try to thank people who have been influencing my life for years and those who I meet along the way. I will endeavor, and may fail often, to live in a state of gratitude as I move through my journey.

While I have many to thank, for right now, I want to thank one person: my partner and my friend, DeeDee.

DeeDee and I have been married for nearly 24 years. I will be traveling on our next anniversary, August 5th. We have had ups and downs. We have experienced great joy together and supported each other through tragedies, both expected and unexpected.

What you need to know is that DeeDee and I are an example of opposites attracting. I am spontaneous and like to take risks, while DeeDee is a planner and would prefer to be cautious. I can be an emotional volcano, DeeDee is measured and thoughtful. I like to argue and fight, DeeDee does not like to do this (and that is all I’m gonna say about that).

DeeDee is smart, very smart. She is pursuing a PhD and she’s great at it. She loves education, and while I really like education, I don’t want to spend another day in the classroom as a student. And yet, with all our differences, DeeDee is my person. I depend on her and I hope she feels like she can depend on me.

She is the reason I am able to have this adventure. I have been restless and wanted to travel for some time. I have wanted to quit my job and walk away. I have asked DeeDee to come with me, but the thing is, traveling for an extended period of time is not her dream—it is my dream. We have talked and argued about this at length, and ultimately DeeDee supported me to go and pursue my dream.

She has been willing to get on board with my travel even though I know for her it is difficult that I will be gone for 7 months. She has hung in there with me when I scheduled a photographer to take pictures of our house to put on the market when it was a wreck. Yet, in less than a week she and I got it ready and looking great. In the end, together, we sold our house and will move a week before I start traveling. This is just one example of my spontaneity posing a challenge for her, but it speaks to a larger trend.

There are so many specific things big and small I could thank her for as it relates to my preparation for this trip. Instead, I want to focus (not a strong suit for me) and thank her for two important things.

First, I want to thank her for being the best mother I know. When I think about being a parent, she is my idol. She is so good at it and has so much love for Jared. I cannot imagine parenting with another human being. She is so naturally a mom. On her good days and even her bad, she is a mom.

Jared, if you are reading this (and you better be reading it) I hope you have some small comprehension of how great DeeDee is to you. I realize you can’t yet fully understand it but just know that you hit the jackpot!

I hit the jackpot as well. There is nothing more important we have done together than raising Jared and I am lucky to have my parenting mentor as my partner.

The other thing I want to thank her for is loving me. She loves me more than anyone. Her love is unconditional and even when I don’t deserve it, I know it will be there. I don’t believe in soulmates and I don’t believe in “the one”. What I do believe is that being in a relationship is a choice and for over 24 years, DeeDee has made the choice to love me. My background makes trust hard for me so I have often wondered if she will keep loving me.

The short simple answer is yes.

So, as I prepare to leave for 7 months, I know with certainty that when I come back to Fort Collins, love will be here waiting for me. DeeDee’s unwavering love is why I can travel, put my fear aside and pursue my dream.

Thank you, DeeDee, for helping me live out a dream, even when the dream has a high cost for you. I hope this adventure makes me a better person and I hope it helps me to be a better partner for you. I guess what I hope most of all is that this trip makes me a little bit more like you. I love you DeeDee.